Introduction Sportscene - Several countries just finished or soon will commence their team trial selection races. Some athletes make the team, others don't. At least not for this year. Below an article from Mark Proctor about not making the team and moving on. 

Mark Proctor - I can normally write at any given moment, but it’s taken me nearly 6 weeks to actually sit down and want to write this article.

Selection took place on the last weekend of March and it went badly from a personal view.  I knew going into it that it was going to be a tough weekend of racing but tried to put that to the back of my mind and get on with the job in hand. Over the last six weeks I’ve been pretty shy about talking about what went on, it’s tough, it’s like a bad dream which you think will end. But it didn’t.

Getting ill was the straw that broke the camels back. I returned to training too soon but with selection only being two weeks away who wouldn’t? I had to fit a 4-week taper (which has served me well for the last 5 years) into about 10 days, I had to get my full length fitness up. I didn’t.  I could see it coming from the physical work I was producing, I was fresh and hitting the short stuff well, but as soon as it got longer, about 30 seconds, I really was struggling. But in my head I accepted it wasn’t ideal and figured I’d get through selection and get fit and strong after in the lead into the Europeans. Well now I’ve got all the time in the world to get fit and strong because I failed to make the team.

Learning

I’ve always thought the saying  ‘You learn more from defeat than in any victory’ was a cliché. But never has that quote been more fitting. I’ve had to learn who Mark Proctor is without being on the team. Learn to live with not getting up every morning with a set goal in training. Learning to step back and enjoy a late night out with friends and family without feeling the guilt of thinking it could affect my training the following week. Learning to find other things to fill my time apart from training. The list goes on.

I have no doubt that if I were fighting fit at selection I would have made the team. No doubt what so ever. But it’s gone now; I have to move on, I have moved on. Sure, when the main races over the summer are going on I will feel a sense of sadness for not being there and part of it, but I will also be in a good place.

Moving on

When I stood in the shower after the final race I had all these crazy feelings. One of retiring there and then, it wasn’t worth the pain anymore.

But as time has gone by and I look back over the winter I had, I realise how well I was paddling, then when I look at me over selection I can see how out of shape I was physically. It gives me hope going forward but also a real big kick in the balls. What could have been and all that….

The week after selection I went away to the South of France with Michelle. I was exhausted from the weeks gone by and I literally spent the whole week recovering with lots of sleeping and eating ice creams! My body was in a bad state and was telling me it needed to take a breather.

At the end of a storm is a golden sky

I’m now in a position to return to training and this week is the first time I’ve paddled on the Olympic course since selection.  It was good to be back.

I haven’t set any targets as such, I intend to make the most of the summer and do as much boating in the sun as possible. I have a few off water challenges that I’m taking on, such as 10k runs and Aquathlon’s at Lee Valley.

Special mentions

You learn a lot in times like this. For one it’s only sport, it doesn’t really make the world go round; it’s something that’s meant to be enjoyed.

My love for the sport and also GB Canoeing has never wavered in this period.

I’d like to say a massive thank you to the close friends, [sponsors] and colleagues who have sent texts, emails etc. over the past few weeks. Winning or losing you have always been there for me. You know who you are.

Website: www.mark-proctor.com